Banchan

The full reality of the past week has finally hit me. I know it's good and right to grieve, but it doesn't make it any easier to go through.

I miss him, and I know I'll keep on missing him. Despite the fact that I know he is truly in a better place. He was a good, quietly steady and strong man. I loved him.

I decided I needed to get out of the house for the evening. I needed the distraction for a few hours. I drove to another nearby college town to visit a few places. The Asian market was the real goal and destination and I wanted to check out the House of Prayer that they have running at a local church. I was quite curious to see if it is anything like the one at KC.

I decided to call my friend that lives over there. I hadn't seen them for a few weeks. She and her kids agreed to meet us for dinner. My girls and I chose Korean since we'd been wanting to try it and it's something different. My friend is married to a Korean and lived in Korea for quite a few years. I was glad she decided to come along. She had never been to the restaurant before though.

Now, I'm no stranger to "foreign food." Not at all. I'm just not familiar with Korean. I ordered a rice bowl with BBQ beef ribs.( I don't remember the name of it exactly though.) Yum. The whole meal was delicious. But I gotta say, the kimchi and other banchan were the highlight of the meal. I just love fermented and pickled foods! mmmm.

I did go to the market, but didnt' find the things I was looking for. I guess we'll have to make a trip to Hubs' city for those things.

The last stop was the HOP. I was later than I wanted to be due to meeting my friend. We had to wait a bit on her. We got there at the end of a set. There were quite a few people in that group. It seemed good, but was over about as soon as we sat down. The next guy up was just solo on a guitar and joined by another female voice. It was good, but...ehhh. It was very difficult to enter in. I wondered if they were having the same difficutly. We only stayed a little over an hour. I'd have to attend another few times before I could comment any further.

Choices

When the day of trouble comes what kind of person will you be? Will you be one that waves your fist in the air and ask God,"Why?" or will you lift your hands in the air in surrender and say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"

Sadly, I have done both. Fortunately, the first one was not recently. Guess what? God was not moved. He did not change. He was not surprised. He stayed faithful and true and taught me some very valuable lessons. One of them is echoed in the words of Job:
"the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD."
-Job 1:21

and another beautifully said by the psalmist:
"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth."
-Psalms 121:1,2

These past few days I find my heart overflowing with praise. Truly, I lift my eyes unto the hills from whence cometh my help, blessed be the name of the Lord.

When trials, temptations and sorrows come, will you be led away from the Lord, or run to Him?

I entreat you, run hard after Him. There is no peace like His peace. No love, like His love. Die to self. Surrender your life, and in losing it, you will find it. It's one of the greatest mysteries. His yoke is easy and His burden so light. These things seem to contradict one another. How is it then that they are so true?

"Great is Thy faithfulness, oh God, my Father. There is no shadow of turning with thee. Thou changest not. Thy compassions fail not. Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me."

Bless the Lord

Even when my body is tired, my thoughts are scattered, and things around me seem unsteady something deep within me cries, still I will praise Him, Bless the Lord!

These past few days have seemed dreamlike. I have yet to have a good old fashioned cry-the kind I've found so healing. I don't think I've given myself the permission yet. It'll come: the permission I mean. Sometimes these things take time.

And here's a bit of randomness-just the way my brain is thinking. The song, "He stopped loving her today" has been going through my mind off and on.

And isn't the Lord good? I mean, really, really good. He is so faithful! I've proven this verse to be so true:
"The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in Him."
-Nahum 1:7

Hollow

When we got to the hospital Chester had already passed. We just missed it. My grandmother had already left. She didn't know we were on our way. It was a long drive through mountainous roads and cell phone dead zones.

They asked if we wanted to see him. I said yes. I thought it would be much easier to see him still warm and lifelike, resting in a bed. He looked asleep. Pink and soft resting with his mouth slightly open. I noticed his messy hair. He would never have gone for that. He was so particular about his hair. But Chester was not longer in the room. Despite the pink color and the warm body it was easy to see it was just a hollow shell. His former home. His peaceful face showed the relief he must have felt when he slipped out of the prison his body had so quickly become. Imagine the rapture he felt as he entered into his rest.

My mother said it best. "You were a good man. I love you."

I don't need a veiwing or funeral. I've seen him. We shared our moment. But onward we'll press like good little soldiers, painting on our tin faces so that others may have theirs.

Be on your guard

"Watch,
stand fast in the faith,
be brave,
be strong.
Let all that you do be done with love".
-1 Corinthians 16:13, 14

WIth the sweet

....comes bitter.

I've been revelling in such a bright outlook for the new year: loving life and praising God for His faithfulness to see me through.

Wednesday we got a message from my Grandma that she had called the ambulance for our Chester (legally a step-grandfather). He was vomiting and unable to move. They took him to the hospital and decided that the amount of heart medicine they had placed him on shortly after Thanksgiving was too high. By Wednesday night we heard that he had an episode in the MRI machine. Yesterday we learned he was on a ventilator, running a temp, and on antibiotics. Today, he has slipped into a coma.

He's been so strong and robust even in his old age. It's hard to hear of him being struck down like this: and at the hand of medicine! Too much "rat poison" made his brain bleed. They did to him what we do to the unwanted in our homes and barns. I feel sick and angry at the whole idea.

Today we'll drive to see him. Maybe utter our last goodbyes. And I feel angry. Angry at death. Angry at sickness. Angry that we are but dust.

And longing for the day the He'll return back to earth and death will no more rear it's ugly head.

Come quickly Lord, Jesus!

Hope for a New Year

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my Light, my Strength, my Song
This Corner Stone, this Solid Ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All In All
Here in the Love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone who took on flesh
The Fullness Of God in helpless babe
This Gift Of Love and Righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save.

When on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live!

No guilt in life no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's fist cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny!

No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His Hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.


There in the ground His body lay
Light Of The World by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again!

As He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me!
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ!

Yum

I've been wanting to start baking my bread again. Store bought whole wheat bread is over priced and isn't that good. I wanted to start baking my bread again, but truthfully have just been too lazy. I don't own a bread machine-I have to do all that kneading by hand.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store and purposely didn't buy bread. I was determined to bake this week of light schooling. Today,thanks to Tammy, I found a new bread recipe at the King Arthur Flour website.

Long story short, but my 2 loaves just came out of the oven. We can never wait for it to cool before cutting into it. So...we did. It's yummy! The texture is very nice. I started with their recipe for white bread, it's always a good starting place.

The recipe is good enough that you should try it. They are very thorough with their instructions so even if you've never baked your own bread, you should be okay.


Our freshly sliced loaf.

King Arthur White Sandwich Bread
*my comments are in bold*
1 packet "highly active" active dry yeast; or 2 1/2 teaspoons active dry yeast; or 2 1/2 teaspoons instant yeast
7/8 to 1 1/8 cups lukewarm water*
3 cups King Arthur Unbleached All-Purpose Flour
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
3 tablespoons sugar
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature
1/4 cup nonfat dry milk
1/2 cup instant mashed potato flakes

*Use the lesser amount in summer (or in a humid environment), the greater amount in winter (or in a dry climate), and somewhere in between the rest of the year, or if your house is climate controlled. *I needed to use just a bit more water...guess my house is pretty dry.*

Directions
1) If you're using active dry yeast, dissolve it with a pinch of sugar in 2 tablespoons of the lukewarm water. Let the yeast and water sit at room temperature for 15 minutes, until the mixture has bubbled and expanded. If you're using instant yeast, you can skip this step.
*What I did- measure out the lesser amount of warm water, yeast, and sugar in the bowl and let bloom.*

2) Combine the dissolved yeast (or instant yeast) with the remainder of the ingredients. *This is when I realized I need the extra water+plus a bit more to make the dough nice and moist-without being sticky.*Mix and knead everything together—by hand, mixer or bread machine set on the dough cycle—till you've made a smooth dough. If you're kneading in a stand mixer, it should take about 7 minutes at second speed, and the dough should barely clean the sides of the bowl, perhaps sticking a bit at the bottom. In a bread machine (or by hand), it should form a smooth ball. *I knead by hand for a full 15 minutes. Lightly flour the table or counter if you have trouble with sticking. Mine was good.*

3) Place the dough in a lightly greased bowl. Cover the bowl, and allow the dough to rise, at room temperature, for 1 to 2 hours, or until it's nearly doubled in bulk. Rising may take longer, especially if you've kneaded by hand. Give it enough time to become quite puffy.

4) Gently deflate the dough, and shape it into an 8" log.

5) Transfer the log, smooth side up, to a lightly greased 8 1/2" x 4 1/2" loaf pan. Tent the pan loosely with lightly greased plastic wrap. *I use a very clean dampish tea towel. I then set it in the cold oven with the interior light on to raise.*

6) Allow the bread to rise till it's crested about 1 1/4" over the rim of the pan, about 1 hour. Again, it may rise more slowly for you; let it rise till it's 1 1/4" over the rim of the pan, even if that takes longer than an hour. While the dough is rising, preheat the oven to 350°F.

7) Bake the bread for 15 minutes. Tent it lightly with aluminum foil, and bake for an additional 20 to 25 minutes, till the crust is golden brown, and the interior temperature measures 190°F on an instant-read thermometer. *I don't have this kind of thermometer. Instead I baked it for 25 minutes and checked it-When you thump it, it should sound hollow. It should also be brown. Mine needed the extra 10-15 minutes.*

8) Remove the bread from the oven, and gently loosen the edges with a heatproof spatula or table knife. Turn it out of the pan, and brush the top surface with butter, if desired; this will give it a soft, satiny crust. Allow the bread to cool completely before slicing. As soon as it's completely cool, wrap it tightly in plastic wrap; or in a plastic bag, air pressed and fastened securely at the top.

Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy...

I feel purt-near giddy. Really. God is so good to me!

The past few days have been a nice, contented blur. It's been a very nice holiday season. Today I'm trying to get back into my normal routine. I even made a menu plan(the first one in a few weeks).

And to add to my holiday delight? IHOP is offering their ONETHING conference to view for free!!

I wanted to go to this, but just knew I couldn't swing it. Once again, God has given me the desires of my heart. Watching it in the comfort of my own home is pretty nice. The kids can play around the tree (although, not for much longer) and I can fold laundry while we listen and enjoy.

It's free to watch, but you have to register. The second session started at 2pm central time.
onething 08

EDITED TO ADD: WOW! I can't say enough about the teaching I've been hearing all day! It's soooo good!!

The After Christmas Post

I hope you had a good holiday.

I keep thinking over and over how much better this year is than last. Each time I breathe a sigh of relief.

Our Christmas was so nice. It was so much the same as other years, but yet so different. For one thing, there wasn't that underlying stress that years past have had. I didn't have the day after Christmas blues. And I think I love my husband. Pretty great stuff.

The living room floor still looks like Christmas blew up all over it. 5yo is having a blast!! It's so great to see her really enjoying herself.

I even went out and bought curtains for my freshly painted (ahem...well, sorta) living room and kitchen with LAST YEAR'S Christmas money. I know, I know....get a life why don't I? (just how long do you squirrel away those Christmas dollars?)

I'm breathing a nice comfortable sigh of content.

God is good!!!!!