Thankful

My life has changed substantially this past year. Changed and yet stayed the same. I guess what really changed was inside of me.

I can't really articulate all that I've come to realize. Many of the lessons I've learned came hard. They were not lessons that anyone else would even realize I've learned. Just me. And God.

I've learned that looking backwards only keeps you from moving forwards. Sounds pretty obvious. It was something I knew in my head, but had not moved to my heart. Or maybe one my heart chose to forget. While my mind said keep going, something deep down kept looking backwards. It never understood why Lot's why turned into a pillar of salt (other than disobeying God.)

My heart now understands. It has felt the tears wash over and over. Bitter. Thinking at first it was good, realizing that it isn't, then feeling again the deep cuts of the wounds so long in healing. Those tears were necessary: the dead lost feeling vital to learning to live again.

Learning to forgive was something I thought I had mastered. Now I see it's a continual process. Forgiving as Christ does means wiping the slate totally clean so that not even the streaks show. It means never looking behind at where I've come from, but keeping my eyes fixed on The One.

This is my now. I cannot change yesterday, as much as I may yearn to do it. All I can do is live my today.

It's a lesson learned long ago, but one that's learned anew. A continuation of my education. Another step toward home.

And I'm thankful. Thankful for lessons learned. Time that heals. A God that teaches the lesson so faithfully.

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